Life is permanent, death is temporary.

Suicide is the most worthless action one might do. A bunch of thanks to dear God for making me realise the fact. But it was hard for suicidal committers to think rationally when putting an end to their lives. Seriously and honestly, i never blame them. People might have said they were out of their minds and even to have a small intention of committing it was ridiculous. So did they say. One question to those thinkers, have you ever had an empathy feeling? Have you ever heard of such sayings that sounded like "We were in the same boat" or "If you were in my shoes". Now, you might argue that those people who committed suicide had little faith in God and were not strong to face the tests from God. So did they think. To make it clear, i'm not supporting suicidal committers not encouraging suicide. I just need a second from dear thinkers to relax and think deeply of what really made the committers commit. Where were we when they felt so bad that the world totally ignored every single thing they did and said? Where were those family and friends we believed they were the closest to all human beings? The truth was, the loneliness literally killed them. They needed companions to feel that they belonged somewhere, to be sure that they were actually never alone. Now, each of us might want to be more careful with loneliness for the reality says that, it really kills...

POST SCRIPT: I mean no harm, I mean no danger. Peace!

I WILL SURVIVE

Dear God,
It's been more than 23 years that you have been keeping me alive. And throughout those years, i have survived well with your blessings. It may be hard for me to live these days with great challenges and risks all by my side, but it is highly because i have faith on you that i let my liver works they way it should. Surviving my life is all i really need to do now and please give me enough strength to go through my days left (which i am never sure how many days are left). i admit that i've been so helpless that i feel like letting go. I am surviving, i am surviving, i am surviving. Please tell me that the day is not that near, right? At least not until you answer my prayers and grant my wishes to be forgiven and blessed...

Showing less is the best way

To show yourself less and less does't mean you are giving up. Some people love to show up to gain popularity or to attract people's attention. I was once there. I wish everyone around me knew who i was. It was before. It was when i felt the world was mine. It was when i thought that i was the most important person alive. But it has changed now. Showing less and less of myself is what i'm doing everyday, now and onwards.Why? I was asking myself the same question too. In fact, the question is killing me day and night, night and day. I lost all life expectations, dreams and ambitions. I looked too high to the sky that i forgot that the earth was where i belonged. An invisible guy is all what i need to be now, at least for the time being, till i 'come back' to the earth again and admit the fact that God loves me.

My unanswered prayers

Prayers are the ultimate effort somebody put to make something happen the way he wants. Prayers involve hope, patience and faith. We hope that our prayers are answered. We hope that we are given enough patience before a wish to be granted. We hope that faith is always with us so that we never give up on praying to the One for helping some miracles to happen. However, some prayers are not answered or maybe, they are not really well-answered. They were mine. Those unanswered prayers were unfortunately mine. This turns those hopes, patience and faith into frustration, despair and solemness. What was happening to the world? I kept asking myself. I was lost in my own world. I played myself hide and seek, and i simply had no idea where i had been hiding. Missing parts of me were more and more. Was this the time? Was this just the right time for things to go wrong? At last i found out that nothing actually happened to the planet. Nothing and nothing ever happened to the world around me. I was just being tested. Is this the most positive thing i can think now? If it really is, then my life is really going through a half-breaking bridge. You can fall anytime, Halu! Anytime God wants. Say the prayer, Halu! Say it. You are dying. Say the prayer!!! Even you know your prayers would never, would never once, be answered. The End.

An empty, hectic day.

Until today, i never believe that a day full with plans does not promise any space for boredom and emptiness. Here it comes. My day was hectic with a long continuous driving going around the same places again and again. That was during the daytime when the sun was there to light up everyone's life. Tired, you were normally thinking that it was a very long day yet the time walked so fast. When the moon started to take over the sun's obligation to the world, you may be there at those places where bedsheets, pillows and bolsters were around. But for me, the night was too dark for me to spend. The stars seemed to spark less than ever. The heart and soul were nothing but an ache.